have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin
Award, it's an annual honor given to the person who provided the human
gene pool the service of eliminating himself or herself from it by
getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition this year has been keen. Some candidates appear to have been
born for this event!
In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.
Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks,
used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a
resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue
workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a local hospital.
In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was raiding. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del,
as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
THE WINNER IS:
GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated
elephant, 'Stefan', 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel
of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up elephant finally let
fly-and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of excrement!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him like a dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the
elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground,
where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help
him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman
came along, and during that time, he suffocated. "It seems to be
just one of those freak accidents that happen."
AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in
September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the
bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see
what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when
one of them claimed to know a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10
men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at
the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought
bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the
cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the
bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his
foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy
river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can
say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on
that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's
foot was never located.
All I can say is better luck next time to the honorable mentions...may they become finalist next time....
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